Jack and the Beanstalk is not supposed to be such a scary story, is it? It seems relatively simplistic and in the end…the giant….the bad guy…. dies. So what’s the problem? Why is it that my four year old was scared that a beanstalk would come to life in the middle of the night while he was sleeping, take him up to the giant, and hurt him?
Have you experienced similar scenarios with your child? Is your child afraid of monsters under the bed? Most children have imaginations and some fears but there are times when these fears become overwhelming and impact a person’s overall daily functioning. Often times that is when a child can benefit from therapy with a child therapist.
Fear Can be A Cause of Anxiety in Children
When a child becomes riddled with fear causing intense behaviors or emotions, anxiety may be something they are grappling with.
In the case of my son and the beanstalk, he couldn’t sleep for over a year. Prior to bed, he became riddled with fear, began talking about being harmed and refused to sleep in his bed. His fear turned into anxiety and continued to impact sleep which then caused negative repercussions throughout the day in terms of exhaustion and irritability. The fear turned into anxiety.
Anxiety in children is excessive fear that may be triggered by a certain event, circumstance, or other such stimuli where there is no real danger.
Anxiety in children tends to include a variety of negative and distorted thought processes. As it relates to the beanstalk, my son was “what-iffing.” What if the beanstalk grows? or the giant gets me? What if my mom can’t help me? This line of thinking continues to spiral causing substantial difficulty to disengage from this anxiety.
Other types of negative cognitive distortions include polarized thinking, overgeneralization, catastrophizing, personalization, mind reading, mental filtering, discounting the positive, should statements, emotional reasoning, labeling, how to change and bottom line. Click here for additional information on these thinking patterns. You may find that you can understand how your child is thinking and why.
In addition to thinking in a distorted fashion, feelings of anxiety may also be present. Many experience these somatic complaints in the form of stomach aches, neck pain, racing heart, trembling, breathing heavy, tightness in the chest or throat, etc. Anxiety in children can cause them to then feel symptoms of panic which just exacerbates the situation.
How can you help your child manage anxiety symptoms?
If you recognize any of these symptoms in your child, there are various strategies you can attempt to assist your child in managing their anxiety. See below for these coping mechanisms.
Deep Breathing Helps Reduce Anxiety in Children
Deep and continued breathing physically contradicts anxious behavior. For small children, print out a picture of a birthday cake and hang it on the wall. When they become anxious, practice “blowing out the birthday candles” at least 3 times slowly.
Set up a zen zone.
In this area, place items that may assist your child in calming down. The items should be used as a distraction from the anxiety as well as allow for calming. Examples include coloring, books, puzzles, legos, stuffed animals, pictures of loved ones, etc. Encourage your child to use this area when you find that they are struggling and need a place to calm.
Read Books About Anxiety in Children
Read Hey Warrior, a book that explains how anxiety manifests itself. Discuss the content with your child.
Set up daily worry time.
Set a timer for 7 minutes and allow your child to talk through all the worries they have. Ensure that this is not done close to bedtime. When the worry time is over, empathize with your child. Tell them you understand they are worried/stressed/anxious and you are there to help them. Then, move onto another task. Do not spend a lot of time processing at this time period. It should just be used to expel anxiety in children.
Help your child engage in visualization.
For example, if your child is afraid of a giant (like the one in Jack and the Beanstalk), visualize or draw the giant doing something funny or nonaggressive: petting a dog, eating pizza, hugging a teddy bear, wearing a silly hat. They can also draw a picture of this visualization to attempt to reframe negative thoughts. Remember, that the anxiety in children is a result of an untrue story they told themself and we are working to adjust it: change “the giant will hurt me in my sleep” to “the giant loves to hug teddy bears.”
Talk to your child about how you manage your stress and frustrations.
For example, let’s say that you went to the store and the person in front of you was very slow, their credit card then didn’t work and it took 15 minutes to get through the line. When you get back in the car, tell your child how frustrating that was and that you were taking deep breaths and trying to distract yourself by thinking about something funny you say on youtube. Adults use coping strategies all the time but don’t necessarily talk about them. Explaining how you get through difficult situations provides a good model as well as allows your child to feel that they are not the only one experiencing stress and anxiety.
Teach your child exercise to rid themselves of excess energy as it relates to anxiety.
If you notice that taking deep breaths and calming is not working, they may need to actively participate in exercising to rid themselves of feelings of overwhelm. Specifically, encourage your child to run in place, do jumping jacks, burpees, push ups, jump on a trampoline, etc. Once your child’s energy is out, then attempt calming mechanism (noted above) to move forward.
Start With the Physical Symptoms of Anxiety in Children
One of the most important things to remember is the concept of managing anxiety physically before mentally, body before brain.
Think about a time when you saw someone crying hysterically or having a panic attack. In general, we do not ask the individual to tell us what is wrong. We hand the person a paper bag and/or tell them to breath. We recognize that the individual needs to calm their feelings and emotions before processing. This concept is also the most effective way in calming anxiety whether it is in the form of a panic attack or otherwise. First, help your child breath and calm down. THEN, process what caused the anxiety and how to move forward.
Beanstalks, monsters under the bed, and other such fears and anxieties can be managed by teaching.
If your child does not understand how to add, you teach. Similarly, if your child struggles to manage emotions, you teach. Empathize with your child and show them that you are there to support them as they navigate symptoms of anxiety. Your model, support, and guidance is the most important way to assist your child in understanding their anxiety and ways to cope effectively.
Start Child Therapy for Anxiety in Children in Baltimore, MD
If you are wanting to get support to help reduce your child’s anxiety then we can help. Our Baltimore child therapists specialize in treating anxiety in children. We can help them learn valuable skills that will help them cope with stress and anxiety in healthy ways throughout their life. In order to get started follow these steps:
- Reach out for a free consultation at our Baltimore area therapy practice
- Schedule your first appointment for children’s therapy
- Watch as your child learns how to navigate their fears and anxiety
Other Therapy Services We Offer in Maryland & the Washington DC Area
At Crystal Waters Counseling Centers we offer a variety of in-person and online therapy services. They are available for children, teens, college students, women, and adults throughout Maryland. This includes counseling for both anxiety and depression. As well as EMDR Therapy, therapy for life transitions, and parent coaching.