Child Struggling in School? How Parents Can Get Help

Understanding learning, emotional, and social challenges…and how to get the right support for your child.

When your child is struggling in school, it can be difficult to know where to begin.

Maybe homework has become a nightly battle. Perhaps your child’s grades are slipping, they’re having trouble making friends, or they’re coming home emotionally exhausted. You may even hear the dreaded words, “I hate school.”

As a parent, you know when something doesn’t seem right. But understanding what’s happening and figuring out how to help can feel overwhelming.

Having worked as a teacher, school counselor, and now a mental health therapist, I’ve seen how academic, emotional, and social difficulties can affect a child’s confidence and well-being. I’ve also seen how much can change when children receive the right support.

The good news? You don’t need to have all the answers before asking for help.

Signs Your Child May Be Struggling in School

School difficulties don’t always show up on a report card.

Some children struggle with learning. Others experience anxiety, emotional overwhelm, or social difficulties. Many experience a combination of these challenges.

Understanding what you’re noticing is an important first step.

1. Learning and Academic Challenges

Some children work incredibly hard but continue to struggle academically.

You might notice:

• Difficulty reading, writing, spelling, or understanding math
• Trouble following directions or remembering information
• Homework taking much longer than expected
• Difficulty organizing assignments or completing work
• Avoiding certain subjects or becoming frustrated easily
• Strong verbal abilities that don’t seem to match classroom performance

Sometimes these difficulties are related to learning disabilities such as dyslexia, dysgraphia, or dyscalculia. Other times, attention, processing speed, or executive functioning challenges may be contributing.

And sometimes a child simply needs additional instruction or a different teaching approach.

A child who is struggling isn’t necessarily a child who isn’t trying.

2. Emotional and Mental Health Challenges

Children don’t always have the words to explain when they’re anxious, overwhelmed, or sad.

Instead, their emotions often show up through their behavior.

Signs may include:

• Frequent stomachaches or headaches before school
• Crying, irritability, or meltdowns after school
• Excessive worry about grades, mistakes, or disappointing others
• Refusing or avoiding school
• Perfectionism or becoming easily frustrated
• Difficulty concentrating or participating in class
• Withdrawing or appearing unusually quiet

A child who holds everything together during the school day may fall apart the moment they get home.

Sometimes home is where they finally feel safe enough to release the stress they’ve been carrying.

Anxiety, depression, ADHD, emotional regulation difficulties, and stressful life experiences can all affect a child’s ability to function at school.

3. Social and Peer Relationship Challenges

School isn’t just about academics. It’s also where children develop friendships, confidence, communication skills, and a sense of belonging.

Social difficulties might include:

• Trouble making or maintaining friendships
• Feeling excluded or rejected by peers
• Experiencing bullying or teasing
• Difficulty understanding social cues
• Frequent conflicts with classmates
• Anxiety about group activities or social situations
• Feeling lonely even when surrounded by other students

Social struggles can significantly affect a child’s emotional well-being and willingness to attend school.

A child who feels rejected at lunch may have difficulty concentrating in math class an hour later.

Learning, emotions, and relationships don’t operate independently. They influence one another every day.

How to Get Help When Your Child Is Struggling in School

Once you’ve recognized that your child needs support, the next question is usually, “What do I do now?”

Here are six practical steps to help you navigate the process.

Step 1: Talk With Your Child’s Teacher or School Counselor

Start by sharing what you’re noticing at home and asking what school staff are observing.

You might ask:

• What strengths and challenges are you noticing?
• Is my child struggling in a particular area?
• How does my child interact with classmates?
• What strategies have already been tried?
• What additional support might be available?

For emotional or social concerns, the school counselor can be an especially helpful resource.

Remember, the goal isn’t to assign blame. It’s to bring together different perspectives to better understand your child.

If you already suspect a disability, you can also request a formal evaluation without waiting for this initial conversation.

Step 2: Ask About Available School-Based Supports

Schools often have systems in place to provide additional help.

Depending on the school, these may include:

• Small-group reading or math instruction
• Academic interventions
• Organizational and executive functioning support
• School counseling or social skills groups
• Behavioral and emotional regulation strategies
• Student support team meetings
• Classroom adjustments and accommodations

You may hear terms such as MTSS (Multi-Tiered System of Supports) or RTI (Response to Intervention).

These are approaches schools use to identify students who need additional support, provide targeted interventions, and monitor progress.

Ask three important questions:

1. What specific support will my child receive?
2. How will we know whether it’s helping?
3. When will we meet again to review progress?

These conversations can help everyone stay focused on meaningful improvement.

Step 3: Understand the Difference Between a 504 Plan and an IEP

Sometimes general classroom supports aren’t enough.

If your child’s difficulties may be related to a disability, additional evaluation and formal services may be appropriate.

What is a 504 Plan?

A 504 Plan documents accommodations and other supports that may be needed for an eligible student with a disability that substantially limits a major life activity.

For example, a child with ADHD or anxiety might benefit from individualized accommodations such as breaks, organizational supports, or adjustments to classroom expectations.

What is an IEP?

An Individualized Education Program (IEP) is designed for students who qualify for special education and need specially designed instruction.

An IEP may include:

• Individualized learning goals
• Specialized academic instruction
• Related services, when appropriate
• Classroom accommodations
• Progress monitoring

The important distinction is that an IEP includes special education services, while a 504 Plan generally focuses on ensuring access and equal educational opportunity. Section 504 supports may also include services when needed.

Not every child who struggles needs a formal plan, but parents should understand that these options exist.

Step 4: Remember, Your Child Doesn’t Have to Be Failing to Need Help

This is one of the most important things I want parents to understand.

Good grades don’t always mean a child isn’t struggling.

Some children maintain passing grades through extraordinary effort, extensive help at home, or significant emotional stress.

Others may be bright and capable but have specific learning, attention, or emotional difficulties that interfere with their school experience.

If you suspect your child has a disability, you can request an evaluation through your public school system.

Under federal special education law, schools cannot require a child to complete every general education intervention before considering a request for an initial evaluation.

The school must respond according to applicable evaluation requirements. It may determine that an IDEA evaluation is not warranted, but it must provide the required written notice explaining that decision.

The goal is to identify needs early—not wait until a child reaches a breaking point.

Step 5: Put Your Concerns in Writing

If your child continues to struggle, document your concerns in an email.

This helps establish clear communication and creates a record of your request.

Here’s an example you can use:

Hello,

I’m reaching out because I’ve noticed that my child has been struggling with [specific concerns]. These difficulties seem to be affecting their academic progress, emotional well-being, or overall school experience.

I’d appreciate an opportunity to meet and discuss what supports may be available and whether additional evaluation would be appropriate.

Thank you for your time and support.

If you’re specifically requesting a formal evaluation, be more direct:

“I am requesting an evaluation to determine whether my child has a disability and is eligible for special education services under IDEA and/or support under Section 504.”

Keep copies of your emails, document specific concerns, and follow up on any agreed-upon next steps.

You don’t need to know exactly which disability your child may have before requesting an evaluation.

Step 6: Consider Support Outside of School

Sometimes children need additional support beyond what the school can provide.

A mental health therapist can help children who are experiencing:

• Anxiety or school avoidance
• Emotional regulation difficulties
• Depression or low self-esteem
• Social challenges and peer conflict
• Stress related to ADHD or learning differences

Depending on the concern, an outside psychological, psychoeducational, or neuropsychological evaluation may also help clarify a child’s needs.

Outside support doesn’t replace school-based services. Instead, it can provide another piece of the puzzle.

When appropriate and with parental permission, collaboration between families, therapists, and school staff can help children experience more consistent support.

What If the School Says My Child Is Doing Fine?

This can be particularly frustrating when you’re seeing significant struggles at home.

Perhaps your child’s grades are acceptable, or teachers report that they seem happy and cooperative during the school day.

But you know homework takes hours, your child cries before school, or they’re becoming increasingly anxious.

Both perspectives can be true.

Some children work incredibly hard to manage their difficulties during the school day, leaving them emotionally exhausted by the time they get home.

If concerns continue, share specific examples and ask what additional information, supports, or evaluations might help everyone understand the situation more clearly.

A school’s initial reassurance doesn’t mean you have to stop asking questions.

Advocating for Your Child Doesn’t Have to Mean Conflict

Parents sometimes worry that speaking up will make them seem demanding or difficult.

But advocating for your child doesn’t have to mean fighting with the school.

It means asking questions, sharing observations, understanding available resources, and working collaboratively toward solutions.

Teachers and school counselors bring valuable knowledge about classroom expectations and student development.

Parents bring an equally important understanding of their child’s history, personality, strengths, and challenges.

When we combine those perspectives, we create a more complete picture of what a child needs.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Getting School Support

Can my child qualify for an IEP if they’re getting good grades?

Yes, potentially. Passing grades do not automatically rule out eligibility for special education. Eligibility depends on whether the child meets the applicable disability criteria and needs special education, not grades alone.

Who should I contact if my child is struggling emotionally at school?

Your child’s teacher or school counselor is often a good starting point. You can also ask about the school’s student support team, school psychologist, or available mental health resources.

Can I request a school evaluation myself?

Yes. Parents can request an initial special education evaluation through their public school system. The school must consider the request and follow applicable procedures, including providing written notice if it refuses an IDEA evaluation.

What if my child is struggling socially but doing well academically?

Social difficulties deserve attention, too. Peer rejection, bullying, social anxiety, and difficulties with friendships can affect emotional well-being and school participation. Talk with your child’s school counselor about what support is available. If a disability may be involved, an evaluation may be appropriate.

Final Thoughts: Look Beyond the Behavior

A child who refuses homework may be overwhelmed by a learning challenge.

A student who acts out may be struggling to regulate anxiety or frustration.

A teenager who withdraws may be feeling rejected or disconnected from peers.

Rather than asking only, “How do we stop this behavior?” we can begin asking, “What might this child be struggling with, and what support would help?”

Children don’t always have the words to explain what’s happening internally.

Sometimes they need the adults around them to look a little deeper.

And sometimes the most important first step is simply recognizing that they need help.

Helping Children and Families Navigate School Challenges

At Crystal Waters Counseling Centers, we support children, teens, and families navigating anxiety, emotional regulation difficulties, ADHD, social challenges, and school-related stress.

We understand that school struggles often extend beyond the classroom, affecting a child’s confidence, relationships, and emotional well-being.

Our therapists provide counseling services in Columbia and White Marsh, Maryland, as well as telehealth throughout Maryland. We value collaboration with families and educators to help children feel understood, supported, and more confident.

If your child is struggling academically, emotionally, or socially, reaching out for support can be an important first step.

 

Are You Ready to Start Therapy in Columbia, White Marsh or Virtually?

At Crystal Waters Counseling Centers, we will provide a safe and supportive space to process life’s events and assist you in making efforts to move forward into peace from uncomfortable emotions and negative thinking patterns. Our Columbia, White Marsh or virtual therapists  offer a person-centered holistic approach to meeting your counseling needs. In order to get started in counseling, follow these simple steps.

1. Reach out to speak with a specialized therapist.
2. Schedule your first appointment at Crystal Waters Counseling Centers
3. Start living a life free of stress, anxiety, and depression.

WHO ELSE WE HELP

Teens & Tweens
Anxiety • Big Emotions • Rejection Sensitivity • School Stress • ADHD/Executive Functioning

College Students & Young Adults
Anxiety • Life Transitions • Relationships • Academic Stress • Identity/Self-Esteem

SPECIALIZED SUPPORT

Anxiety Therapy • Trauma/EMDR • Emotional Regulation • Rejection Sensitivity • ADHD/Executive Functioning

Additional Support:
Depression Treatment  • Parent Coaching • Educational Consultation • Child Therapy

We offer services online throughout Maryland or in person at our Columbia, White Marsh & Virtual Platforms in MD.

 

Written by Diane Darling, LCPC-S, NCC, Clinical Director of Crystal Waters Counseling Centers. Diane brings experience as a former teacher, school counselor, licensed clinical professional counselor, and clinical supervisor.

Educational note: School evaluation procedures and eligibility decisions depend on the individual circumstances and applicable federal and state requirements. Parents of children in private schools may encounter different procedures and service entitlements.